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Post by lorrydog on Jul 10, 2007 8:48:37 GMT
Greetings Horsegossip- Lorrydog here, back so I am told, by popular demand. Some of you in the South East may remember reading my monthly ramblings in a horsey magazine where I kept readers entertained with my own unique view from the cab of a lorry. For those of you not in this locality, here are the introductions! Lorrydog and his buddie Herbie have the 'fun' of travelling the length and breadth of the country in the company of a bunch of dyspeptic adults (chief humans), a small herd of spotty-ribboned jockeys (the munchkins) and an assortment of equines who haven't a single sensible thought among them. Seen chugging along the motorways of Britain in the rusting, smoking heaps of metal that they lovingly call horseboxes, we share in their triumphs and disasters, their breakdowns both nervous and mechanical, and hopefully their supper! This weekends entertainment would appear to be a little jaunt to the West country (hmmmmmmmmm cider- hic!), no doubt along roads that no Roman ever had a hand in building. Herbie and I quite sensibly confine ourselves to the cab, thus avoiding being trodden on by munchkins or being buried under the pots and pans that fly out of the cupboards when we hit those corners! We have our suitcases packed, a supply of Scmacko's all ready and will put paw to pen on our return.
Hickstead update- hokey cokey at the moment- providing Noah doesn't come floating by on his Ark in the next couple of weeks!
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Post by Rockstar on Jul 10, 2007 8:54:36 GMT
Yeah! Glad to see you have your own login now Lorrydog. Do you have a special keyboard for your paws or do you point an peck with a nail on Mummys?
VERY much look forward to your show reports and I know my own 2 lorrydogs would love to meet you!!
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Post by Cherrytop & Spicery Stud on Jul 10, 2007 9:33:08 GMT
Welcome back
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Post by nffan on Jul 10, 2007 9:45:33 GMT
Lorrydog you are the best, my dog would love you his name is Cheeky and he has lots of tails.... xx
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Post by marymarynli on Jul 10, 2007 10:43:32 GMT
Lorry dog I have two minature JR's ladies who would dearly love to meet you ....can we have a pic to see what you look like
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Post by lorrydog on Jul 10, 2007 10:48:47 GMT
Well it is good to be back! Rockstar, you say the nicest things and we probably have already met. Herbs and I spent a day at Stevenage this year huddled like a pair of drowned rats at the ringside without a mackintosh in sight (guess whats at the top of MY Christmas list this year), the chief humans ran out of dry cloths to wipe the nags with and for a moment I thought I was going to end up in the ring for use as a stable rubber- no respect! The chief human who doubles up as my maid service types my dictated notes on her elderly computer, but no doubt is currently bashing away on the keys at work. Herbie and Lorrydog will be compiling a roundup shortly of our season so far for all Lorrydogs, at last we have a voice- and boy do I like the sound of mine!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by viking on Jul 10, 2007 12:51:26 GMT
So pleased you are back Lorrydog. I do feel however that you should invest in a natty little waxed mackintosh for nasty wet shows. We don't want you going down with a bad cough. Please speak to chief human about it as soon as poss.
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Post by guest bit*h on Jul 10, 2007 13:04:40 GMT
This is such a fun thread. Much better than all that arguing and nasty things some humans feel the need to post! I will be at Hickstead for my first time this year (not surprising as I was only borned in February!). In fact, I have never slept in the lorry...so really looking forward to it. Hope the people don't think I will settle in my crate in the horse area. It will be under the duvet or nothing for me!!!
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Post by nffan on Jul 10, 2007 13:33:32 GMT
Guest bit*h,
while my servant ooppss meant mummy is mucking out what my daddy calls the 'money eaters' thought I would reply to you, to ensure you stay under the warm duvet sob loudly till they put you under it, works everytime for me, if it does not work as soon as it starts to rain heavily make your 'I need a wee' cry, they will not want to take you out at night so will get you in the nice warm duvet to shut you up. I have years of experience with this...
Also remember when they give you your meal DO NOT EAT it they think you are worried away from home so feed you on chocolate to cheer you up....heheheheee Good Luck
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Post by lorrydog on Jul 10, 2007 13:48:14 GMT
Well folks, I have just returned from a very unproductive lunch. Chief human, she-who-thinks-she-must-be-obeyed, is up to her old tricks again. The cause of my disgruntlement? She tried to serve me DOG FOOD! No self respecting lorrydog touches anything served from a tin with the word DOG on the front. Normally I eat whatever is cooked from the oven but when I sneaked a glance at what was on chief humans plate it looked like the remains of something the horse had spat out...........Hmmmmmmmm, something is afoot- meanwhile my little belly is rumbling. Marymary I would just love to meet your two charming JR ladies, although I have had my differences with members of the Mafia in the past, with the arrival of Herbie (of a similar ilk) I have had a change of attitude! I too am looking forward to Hickstead, the RIHS is one of my favourite shows. Only 20 minutes down the road which gives our lorry a fighting chance of making it, a huge gathering of the countries lorrydogs, quality munch- what else could a chap want? Well, some sunshine perhaps. If anyone spots that large yellow ball known as 'The Sun' that should hang in the sky and is currently missing- TELL HIM IT'S JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by OG on Jul 10, 2007 13:52:21 GMT
OMFG THIS IS WORRYING,,,,!!!!!!!!!
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Post by guest bit*h on Jul 10, 2007 14:03:22 GMT
Dog of nffan thanks for this info. Not sure what you mean by my "I need a wee" cry...'cos when I need a wee, I do a wee. Perhaps I shouldn't! Maybe this is why the people look angry and make me sit on the step outside. I have cottoned on to the fact that they don't like it when I poo on the carpet, so I now poo on the sofa....they don't like that either! Honestly, there is no pleasing some owners. I do hope all you dogs out there don't have fussy owners like mine!
Perhaps I will try to cry when I need a wee, but then they make me go outside. I hate the outside! There is no warm bed outside, no Aga....mind you the smacky cats (there are 5) don't really do outside either so at least I'm safe outside! I am really looking forward to Hickstead as I know the smacky cats never go on lorry holidays...though one did sneak in as a hideaway a few weeks ago. I knew she was there and tried to tell the people but they told me to be quiet and lie down. The people all said rude words when they had to turn round half an hour into their journey (and I be they were already late!) to take this smacky cat back home! I never realised how fast lorries could go!
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Post by cant help it on Jul 10, 2007 14:16:23 GMT
Dear LD i always enjoy you reports and they do make me smile however i have never actually laughed out loud or had tears streaming down my face as some people on here seem to, but i have to admit that your last report about the dog food tipped me over the edge and now i have smudged mascara and have been howling with laughter keep it up.
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Post by dun4u on Jul 10, 2007 14:44:53 GMT
I now have two favourite'authors' on here; namely 'lorrydog' and 'overbent'. I really enjoy all of your contributions and scan down the page everyday to see if there is a new thread by either of you.
Keep up the good work and best of luck at Hickstead, everybody.
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Post by nffan on Jul 10, 2007 14:53:39 GMT
Guest bit*h you must be in charge of smacky cats or everyone will laugh at you, when they are asleep there claws sleep too jump on them bite them hard then cry very loud so mummy thinks the smacky cats have hurt you they get shouted out and you get cuddled...often with some chocolate to comfort you to stop you whimpering whilst mummy gets chocloate go to cat and laugh at them.....when you bite them make sure you spit out there coat beofre mummy comes or you will get shouted at... Good luck..........
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Post by lorrydog on Jul 11, 2007 9:24:00 GMT
There is a definite crisis looming on Lorrydog's horizon, due to one of the team's imminent marriage the rest of the chief humans (CH's) have gone on a crash diet! Something to do with their outfits shrinking........pull the other one, more like expanding waistlines due to excessive Cava consumption! Whatever the reason, it is affecting Lorrydog's diet. I 'borrowed' a bit of food from CH's plate last night and promptly spat it out. YEUCK! Called beetroot apparently and left me looking like a vampire. I am a tad concerned about my Scmacko supply as well, caught CH reading the packet this morning- heaven help me if they are of a low calorific value, they'll be munching their way through those next! Gulp, hic, prayer! Weather report from this part of the globe- downcast and gloomy. Bit like me then.
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Post by clip on Jul 11, 2007 13:49:24 GMT
What's happened to the original lorry dog stories? BRING THEM BACK!!
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Post by L Cole from Kent on Jul 11, 2007 18:51:53 GMT
We are lorrydog groupies! We loved reading his column each month and my daughter kept all the articles. The lorrydog posting above Clip is definitely the real one, the writing style is the same and his stories appeared for several years in the magazine. My friends met him at a show once- he looked like a teddy bear! The people with him him were lovely and their daughter had her photo taken with him. More from lorrydog!
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Post by Guestless on Jul 11, 2007 20:01:14 GMT
The lorrydog posting above Clip is definitely the real one, I'm sure the world is big enough to have more than one. For me personally, I find Overbent's stories much more amusing than the ones on this thread.
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Post by try on Jul 11, 2007 20:31:28 GMT
We want to hear more from overbents lorry dog too!!
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Post by The Old on Jul 11, 2007 21:53:12 GMT
Noo way, keep the old lorrydog, he has been around longer, the other is just a copy that isnt as funny. I have a feeling i know who your friends were who had a picture- very pretty, blonde hair but i maybe wrong . xxx
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the old lorry dog fan
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Post by the old lorry dog fan on Jul 11, 2007 22:01:33 GMT
I love the old lorry dog personally, being a fan of his articles in our local horsey mag. I personally think he is funnier, please please show people the pictures of him, especialy the one of him at the Derby
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Post by jess jack russle on Jul 12, 2007 8:02:09 GMT
hi to both lorry dogs i love your stories it was the only post to now that was not bit*hy. keep up the good work both of you .and maybe we can have a pic of all the lorry dogs. I'm a wild jack Russel
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Post by Guestless on Jul 12, 2007 9:04:26 GMT
I love the old lorry dog personally, being a fan of his articles in our local horsey mag. I personally think he is funnier, please please show people the pictures of him, especialy the one of him at the Derby I obviously haven't read the same local magazine as you but, as far as I'm concerned, Overbent was here first and has every right to carry on posting....and I'm hoping (s)he does as the stories really cheer me up. I've already said there is room for both, so let's please stop getting overly personal.
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Post by clip on Jul 12, 2007 9:23:55 GMT
Modified as I just asked for people to stop getting personal. There is room for more than one lorry dog so the one that is new to us on HG is free to post on here as well.
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p
Newbie
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Post by p on Jul 15, 2007 19:27:51 GMT
Hi Lorry Dog, We have been reading your posts with great enthusiasm - haven't laughed so much in ages! We think you should persuade your people into taking you to Royal London this year, where we are having "Lorry Dog" classes each night in the evening Performance, with a Championship on Sunday Night. We feel sure that a dog of your obvious class and good breeding would fare well in such a contest. There are only one or two ground rules to bear in mind: (1) If your people (God forbid) have brushed and combed you, it is better to wait until AFTER your class before you roll in some kind of poo (2) It is forbidden to bring any extraneous object into the show ring i.e. half eaten burger, chewed showing tie etc. (3) It is extremely inadvisable to wee on the judge's trousers/posh frock while in the ring. We are looking forward to seeing you there!
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