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Post by abe on Jan 11, 2007 18:27:52 GMT
This girl was getting married and was very excited in the run up to the big day. The only thing she was worried about was that her parents had not long been divorced and her dad was bringing his new girlfriend to the wedding. Luckily her mum was very good about it and decided it wasn't worth spoiling her daughters big day by getting worked up. One day the daughter was round at her mums having a cup of tea when the mum showed her the outfit she'd bought for the big day. The daughter was horrifed-it was the same dress her dads new girlfriend had bought!!! after weighing up her options, the daughter decided she'd better tell her mum so she could buy a new one. To the daughters suprise, her mum was fine about it, "Not to worry dear", she said, "we'd better get going if we're going to spend the day shopping.". Relieved, the daughter asked her mum if she wanted to bring the dress to return it, "No honey, why would I do that?" The daughter pointed out that her mum wouldn't have another occation to wear it anyway, "But of course I have sweetheart-I'm going to wear it to the rehearsal dinner!".
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Post by abe on Jan 11, 2007 18:28:14 GMT
President Boris Yeltsin called Clinton with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried.
"My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.
"I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Clinton.
"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Yeltsin.
"Yes?"
"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin.
"No problem," replied the President and, with that, Clinton hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."
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Post by abe on Jan 11, 2007 18:33:51 GMT
4 Sons These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.
"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."
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