Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2011 6:30:52 GMT
jessiica - you dad might be a dissapointment - BUT your mum sounds just wonderful xxxxxx
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Post by Lauren M on Oct 12, 2011 21:51:08 GMT
To me it sounds like you have been through a lot and it has made you a stronger person for it. No one can go through that much and not toughen up. However, to me it seems that you have lived your life with stress and pain brought on by someone who you do not know and who does not seem to want to know you. Therefore would it not be easier for you to live your life in acceptance knowing that you tried your upmost to start a relationship between yourself and your dad but it was his doing (and his loss) that he didnt take it up. Meaning you can go on and live the rest of your life with less stress and less pain because you have moved on from the person at the heart of your upset. It sounds to me like the next step is in your hands and you have to decide whether a stranger is worth all this?
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Post by Jessica on Oct 13, 2011 6:39:27 GMT
ROLW- I guess i have been through alot, but over the last few weeks, i have thought long and hand, and iv come to a decision that i am going to cut all thoughts about him! i think iv wasted enough time on someone that doesnt think about me, or doesnt seem to care about me.
To me he is a stranger, he is someone that i know nothing about, and proberly wont. BUT he is the person that brought me into this world, which in a way is hard to accept.
But i am strong now, and im a much more confident person, who is not going to let this stranger make me upset anymore. xx
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Post by Giddie on Oct 13, 2011 16:23:29 GMT
Jessica you have actually answered your question ,about if he wants to know you or not, I think it is very obvious and l think, and this may sound harsh it is you that is insisting on a relationship with someone that doesn't want to know. I fully understand why you would be doing that, and it is very sad that this circumstance ever happened in the first place but it did and it has so l would just move on rather than waste the rest of your life trying to get someone to like you who obviously doesn't give a d**n.. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but l am in support of you. You will be a much stronger person once you have come to make a positive final decision, just think you are not missing out on anything you have already proved thatwasting time on something that is never obviously going to be could be better spent with those that do klove and care for you
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Post by Jessica on Oct 13, 2011 19:19:52 GMT
I can safely say i have made my decision, and i am not going to waste anymore precious tears on him anymore, i am going to concentrate on the people that mean the most to me, and that love me.
Giddie - you dont sound harsh at all, someone needs to tell me to man up, and stop wasting time, on such a stranger.!
From now on, as far as im concered, i no longer have a father, i have a sperm donar, and that is all he will ever be!!
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Post by Jessica on Oct 18, 2011 17:57:25 GMT
Over the past couple of weeks iv been thinking of writing my auntie (dads sister) a letter, explaining how her actions made me feel.
the letter was very to the point, not emotional, no begging for a realtionship back, Very grown up!
I sent it today,
i have explained that i feel that no only my 'father' but her included dont deserve a part in my life or future!
I feel so much better, for doing it, even though i know i wont get a reaction,
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Post by Jessica on Nov 3, 2011 21:11:03 GMT
Two weeks on and no reply (Not that i was expecting one) from my 'auntie' This has no claifyed to me.. that they arent worth it.
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Post by cloppy on Nov 6, 2011 19:57:03 GMT
judging by your lovely photos you, your sister and mum are doing just fine without the others who make you miserable, take care x
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Post by Jessica on Nov 7, 2011 20:27:11 GMT
Thank you.  xx |
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Post by laurajazmine on Nov 7, 2011 20:51:46 GMT
Hope your managing OK, but as said above, you seem fine without. I know exactly how you feel, If it wasn't for having two half sisters I would have given up by now. xx
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Post by Ziggy on Nov 13, 2011 17:17:36 GMT
That is a really tricky one!! I had a troubled relationship with my Dad for many years and after my parents divorce I had no contact with my Dad for many years. I had some contact after I started my nurse training but it was short lived. Bad childhood memories, I agree, run deep!! However after my Mum died he wrote to me asking if we could meet. I really was not sure but decided to give it serious thought. I never got the chance, though, to meet him again as had a phonecall from police to say he had been murdered.
My point is time/life is short even if you decide when you meet him that contact is not a good idea, keep searching, you just don't know if the decision could be taken off you. Good luck, whatever you decide. Believe me I know where you are coming from!!
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Post by Jessica on Nov 13, 2011 19:14:48 GMT
Thanks for commenting Nursey.
Sorry to hear about your mum and your father.
Its a very hard decision to make. as i am a very caring person, and really dont like conflict or to 'dislike' a family member.
But my only thing is.. if he did say 'die' ( Okay im going to sound really selfish now, please dont have a go, this is hard for me) would it really make a differance to me?apart from me knowing that i will never have a chance to have a relationship, But i think he has shown his true colours, After all i am a blood relative, Not like i am one of his friends, He did 'make' me!!
Would he even care if something happened to me, For all he knows i could have 'died'!!!
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kayjayem
Happy to help....a lot
Posts: 10,046
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Post by kayjayem on Nov 13, 2011 22:18:23 GMT
Gosh Nursey that is so sad, poor you(and poor dad in a perverse sort of way).
Jessiica I really feel for you, I'm sure your "father" deep down will care for you but he will be just taking for granted the fact that you are there and OK. I know it's no excuse and he should man up and deal with the situation. I would think he is probably a bit of a coward and worried about the consequences and implications of trying to forge a relationship rather than not caring. Obviously if anything happened to him it would be sad for you but not affect your day to day life but hopefully that will not happen. You do seem to be a lovely caring person and if I were you I would just carry on with your life as you are doing and leave the ball in his court. You can't dwell on this and let life pass you by but but keep the doors open for if and when he decides to get in touch which I am sure he will one day. Enjoy your life and close family and dont worry about what might be, you might just have a nice suprise one day.x
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Post by Jessica on Nov 16, 2011 18:46:09 GMT
Kayjayem... I can see where your coming from and welcome all advice, I have waited 20 long years for him to turn up, or even make an apperance,
Maybe its just not ment to be?
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xx
