Losing Confidence

[jlml]

Hello all. I’m new here and have joined to discuss a horsey matter because I have no horsey friend as such.

I’m currently sharing an OTT TB, the owner has two and I ride the least experienced in terms of retraining. We’ve had an agreement for about 4yrs now.

The owner took a chance on me. Her horse was jockey-less, and I was the only person to respond to all her ads for a sharer. I wasn’t really very experienced, certainly not experienced enough. But we muddled through and here we are 4yrs later!

The horse has never been easy, but ive had good instructors. And a willing attitude. About 18mths ago, owner moved to a new yard about an hour away, and I continued our arrangement, but she asked me for more money. At the time I was happy to pay as she felt the new yard had facilities that warranted the increase. I would probably agree.

The horse and I have never truly bonded. It’s been a slog. But suddenly now he’s nappy and the owner refuses to have him checked by vets for arthritis, kissing spines or ulcers (suggestions from H&H forum) as horse is already exempt so much on ins. Owner is convinced I need more lessons. I’d agree. But on this horse I am making one step forward but then 3 back all the time. And it’s ruining my confidence.

On top of it all, with lessons, diesel and extras, it’s costing me £500pm to share this horse and takes me two hrs to travel there and back without even riding.

I know having a share is right for me, because ownership is beyond me (I’m in the army and away a lot-which owner tolerates well) but I can’t help thinking this is not the one any more. Am I being terribly unfair? Am I wasting owner’s time? She ‘needs’ my money, and I’d feel awful if she had to lose one of the horses because I left...but I’m really not very happy...she keeps telling me it’s all in my head and I just need to be bolder and more assertive. And get some more lessons. I just want to ride as little as possible. I used to ADORE this horse, but I can’t stand him now

[pennyone]

Hi my advise to you is cut ya losses ,and tell her you don't want to carry on sharing this horse and that your circumstances have changed and you haven't got the time to put into this horse anymore,I am a riding instructor and i specialize in lost confidence and anxiety issues ,normal riding lessons will not help you gain your confidence back with this horse 🐴 I hope this helps

[sarahp]

I'd agree. You are gaining nothing in this arrangement atm and my view would be that you need a horse that doesn't scare you on which to continue your riding. I have one out on loan to a lady who had lost her confidence in middle age to such an extent that she wasn't sure she still wanted to ride at all, but she came to see my patent safety angelic chap, watched my daughter ride him and felt happy to try him herself. Loved him, took him and about ten years later they are still enjoying life together - he's now 24yo.

[gillwales]

That is a huge amount of money to be spending every month. Go to a good local riding school and learn to ride all sorts of horses. Put the money you save into an account until you have enough money, and experience, to get your own. There is nothing then stopping you from sharing a horse that you do get on with and can bond with. Or advertise to share another horse closer to your home, I think you will find that a lot of people these days will be happy to do this. Good luck and please let us know how you get on.

[ponymum]

Riding is supposed to be fun , I f you arent feeling the fun anymore , surely the 2 hours travelling and the 500pcm is enough to make you decide to pacik it in. Added into the mix that you now have negative feeling towards the horse , who undoubtedly will pick up on this, I wouold gree with the others, It is time to give him up. Sadly he isnt your full responsibility and the owner shouldnt have to rely on a sharer to afford their horse.

[Philippa]

I think there would be a lot of other people out there who would love you as a sharer. This horse isn’t for you. Give him up.