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Post by ladybird on Aug 19, 2009 8:23:54 GMT
I am sure we have had a similar thread before, but forgive me, I have to get his off my chest. Do I have something written accross my forehead that attracts the users in this world. You think you have friends, you turn yourself inside out to help them, be there for them, even lend them money sometimes, do anything to be a good friend, and then suddenly they turn against you?  I am practically a dinasaur now, but still never see it coming, and I doubt i ever will, does anybody else have similar stories?? |
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Post by jebediah on Aug 19, 2009 10:02:27 GMT
You sound really upset
Please PM me
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Post by diane on Aug 19, 2009 10:57:12 GMT
Oh yes :-/I didn't see it coming either...and as this was someone who I thought of as a VERY close person in my life you question your own judgement as obviousley I didn't really know this person at all  |
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Post by kizzy on Aug 19, 2009 11:21:14 GMT
Yes.
My biggest problem is my best friends tend to die. Lost 3 now, which makes you very warey about making new friends. Both cause those left behind bereavement, either the loss of a friend you thought was a sole mate, or the passing of a friend who was a sole mate. 4 weddings and a funeral, not me, more like 10 funerals to every wedding. Best not get too close, you'll find me looking for a pulse.
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Post by brindlerainbow on Aug 19, 2009 12:16:50 GMT
She was never a friend always a user. You only need 1 friend and thats me!!!!!!!!! Like im always telling you you're too nice  Take a leaf out of my book and be suspicious of everyone!!!! We all make mistakes just look at the 1 I made!!!! |
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Post by iluvmyponies on Aug 19, 2009 12:23:32 GMT
Yes! |
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Post by kickon on Aug 19, 2009 12:58:56 GMT
Your not the only one with that problem. I must have a flag out side my gate? It reads come in I will feed you keep you give shelter and listen to all you problem and even protect you from harm??? , jump through hoops and any other darn thing that makes them happy. Stable your horse, school it or loan my kit. The list has been endless and still they come back and POO all over me ? I have been such a fool trying to help people that I don't even really know that well:-( Never learn. BUT maybe we are just better people. |
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Post by poniesrus on Aug 19, 2009 14:30:49 GMT
Ach, as I've learnt, you only let someone poo on you once, then you toughen up !
Other than very long-standing genuine friends, everyone else is kept just at enough of a distance, mentally, that they can't poo on me I'm afraid.
Hubby and I's new motto is ''ask for nothing, give nothing and expect to be offered nothing in return'' ! Works for us !
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Post by overatdaknee on Aug 19, 2009 21:46:03 GMT
The only peoples opinions who bother me are the people I respect- the rest I lose no sleep over..................
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Post by auntieb on Aug 20, 2009 9:01:29 GMT
An ex-friend had pony from me on loan, with view to buy, 6 months later, no cash forthcoming, so asked for pony back so could sell it, subjected to vile torrent of abuse, then at ringside a few months later she accused me of doping the pony to send it in the ring and it being overheight as well. She won't be coming to dinner again!
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freya
Full Member
Posts: 548
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Post by freya on Aug 20, 2009 19:02:22 GMT
My nan used to say to me if you have one good friend in life then you have done well. ...and its true! I can count one one hand how many true friends i have and still have fingers left...lol I trust no-one, having learnt from experience. Im not upset about, its just a fact. Just as i learnt that 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'...then when they dont ...they drop you...  Then theres the other 'friends' who will only speak if you are in the 'click' (showing click). We had a pony produced for us last year...and amazingly we seemed to be in this 'prestigious click' (not that i cared for it). Lots of people spoke to us, were very friendly...and now that we dont...we dont seem to exist ;D I find that both very shallow and very funny...how sad! people are strange sometimes...dont let them get you down  |
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mjh
Full Member
Posts: 355
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Post by mjh on Aug 20, 2009 20:20:09 GMT
Ladybird its soo true what your saying, i seem to have the problem of "friends" who only contact me when they want something.....................
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Post by ladybird on Aug 21, 2009 7:39:27 GMT
thanks guys, i didnt think i would be alone on this one and it has made me feel better knowing im not the only one, if you know what i mean!!!
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Post by ladybird on Aug 21, 2009 13:17:29 GMT
that is really good advice and im going to take it.
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kayjayem
Happy to help....a lot
Posts: 10,046
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Post by kayjayem on Aug 26, 2009 19:54:34 GMT
The only peoples opinions who bother me are the people I respect- the rest I lose no sleep over.................. This is so true. There are many shallow people in this world who act like angels but will take what they can get but I think you always know who your true friends are even if you don't see or speak to them from one month to the next |
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Post by honeypot on Oct 1, 2009 23:30:07 GMT
I think this friends lark is a women thing. We are brought up to please, then at school we feel left out if we do not have a best friend. I now try and see people for what they are and value them for themselves not how good about myself they make me feel. This sometimes means having friends you can not count on in every situation, but as long as I know this,they amuse me and I do not loose out who cares, its not a marriage.
I have a really good friend who I have not spoken to for years, this does not mean our friend ship has ended but because of our change in circumstances and geography I do not see her. If I saw her today I would just be as pleased to see her as if I'ed seen her yesterday.
I used to be disappionted in people but not so much now as once I saw that everyone is falable in relationships and not to expect too much of people. People can only use you if you let your self be used. Also once yu learn to say 'No' it's very empowering. I only do things if I want to do them, and do not expect anything in return. That way you do not feel used and are pleasently surprised whe someone returns the favour.
'do anything to be a good friend' I think that is your problem, they should have to earn that level friendship.
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Post by cassie30 on Oct 2, 2009 6:56:58 GMT
I have one or two true friends, the one's who you can call at 3am if you wish and they REALLY dont mind, the one's who would do anything to help, recently lost a true friend, even through her battle with cancer, she would be the first to call and ask if you are ok, i miss her so much.
I look after my true friends, one of whom i met on HG and i hope we remain friends forever! I have let myself be used time and time again, giving people the benefit of the doubt, bit harder to it now though!
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Post by ladybird on Oct 2, 2009 7:38:59 GMT
you know what honeypot, i had to read your post a couple of times, but you are absolutely right. I think it IS my problem, and friendships should be earned. Im going to remember that in the future (or try to) so thank you.
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Post by brindlerainbow on Oct 2, 2009 13:07:25 GMT
Yes ladybird please try to remember it in future!!!!!!! Remember if they want some free ponies tell them to bugger off................only im allowed free ponies!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Post by moorland on Oct 3, 2009 12:14:33 GMT
Keep your chin up Ladybird friends like that aren't worth having any way. xx
It's funny how I am always the one who gets the phone calls when "friends" need help, checking ponies, feeding the dog etc but when I could do with a hand suddenly they are all so busy.
Must admit hubby and I tend to keep ourselves to ourselves now a days its easier we wont let each other down.
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Post by ladybird on Oct 3, 2009 18:41:11 GMT
thanks moorland and of course br! Yup families and special friends will do for me now.
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Post by shetfan on Oct 5, 2009 20:02:18 GMT
aw lady bird ... thers so many true a word said on this post ... big hug hun xxx
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Babieca
Junior Member
hobbies include dressing inappropriately and missing court-order AA meetings
Posts: 134
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Post by Babieca on Oct 5, 2009 20:39:26 GMT
People like that were never a true friend to start with.
I think most people in their lives have been taken in by someone they thought they could trust, and would do favours back in return etc. It has unfortunately made me rather suspicious of people and I dont really trust anyone 100%
Theres so many selfish folk who are just out for what they can take you for or try to make themselves look better than they are by acting the "victim" . They're (as!) ugly on the inside.
Dont feel bad-they're never worth the pain.
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Post by brindlerainbow on Oct 6, 2009 9:32:58 GMT
Babieca you sound just like me!!!!! Theres very few people that I trust!!!
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Post by ladybird on Oct 6, 2009 10:50:20 GMT
and im one of them yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by brindlerainbow on Oct 6, 2009 16:05:15 GMT
Think yourself grateful woman!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Post by bumblebee on Oct 6, 2009 20:35:53 GMT
I'm also very picky about who I trust. However, I've still discovered recently that a couple of 'friends' aren't the people I thoguht they were. Unfortunately they're perfectly happy to be friends with me when I'm spending every weekend poo-picking their paddocks, exercising their ponies, mucking out their stables etc etc (basically everything so that they don't even have to venture down to the yard), and yet when I am no longer able to see them as regularly they don't want to know me anymore. Just goes to show that they only wanted their work done for them.
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Post by wobbles on Oct 7, 2009 9:21:20 GMT
In my teenage years I was trod on by all who cared to, taken for a fool, used for what I could do for whoever wanted me to do it, I did all this because I was brought up to help those who needed help, and I have a conscience and have morals, but one can be s**t on once too often, so one day I woke up and said out loud NO MORE!! and NO MORE it has been ever since, I will go to the ends of the earth for my true friends, all 10 of them hahahha but at least they are true friends back to me!
I do find that horsey world people can be some of the worse ones for using and abusing friendships, all over you when they want you to do something for THEM or buy a pony/horse from THEM, but then for no apparent reason you are out of favour, well these are the ones with the problem and I have become a great believer in WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.
I am not putting all horsey people in the same category, there are some truly wonderful horsey people out there. but the few can d**n the majority
But saying all this I still have to keep my "good" side in check as when anything happens my instinct is to go help, it's I suppose just the way we are made.
So Ladybird, stand back and take stock before you leap in to help, hard I know if you are a caring person, but you have to, just delay your instinct and see what happens then !!
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Post by ladybird on Oct 7, 2009 21:27:28 GMT
more good advice which is much appreciated, thank you very much guys, i am certainly learning and am very grateful to those of you who have taken the time to reply to my post, bless you.
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Post by Giddie on Oct 9, 2009 5:05:40 GMT
Wobbles yes yes yes, totally, empathise with your posting and know/experienced everything you have said. We tend to keep ourselves to ourselves nowadays although we have a select few very good friends..However it is a select few.
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Take a leaf out of my book and be suspicious of everyone!!!! We all make mistakes just look at the 1 I made!!!!
