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Post by miffed off on Oct 12, 2009 16:24:29 GMT
Just would like your opinions, have jusy sold pony, for very subsantial price, would love another, husband want money for his buisness, but i made profit on pony, and from previous ponies,he is not into showing atall, came to hoys, thinks its silly expensive hobby, just feel really down, maybe i should find new husband , dont really mean that, but so hard, i really do not know what to do.
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Post by rcblvr on Oct 12, 2009 16:35:02 GMT
You should have lied about the sale price!
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Post by Tandy on Oct 12, 2009 16:36:12 GMT
my pony my money, let him have some of it and you have the rest to buy an other pony.
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Post by brindlerainbow on Oct 12, 2009 16:37:36 GMT
Stand your ground, maybe give him a small ( very small!!!!!!!!!!!!!) amount of money but keep the rest for yourself to buy another pony if you want to. If he dosent support your hobby why should he reap the rewards from it!!!!!!.My OH is not horsey he does his thing and I do mine and we are very,very happy however he dosent understand the pony obsession and the need to spend,spend,spend!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I just buy or do what I want without consulting him as the ponies are my department not his!!! Good Luck
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Post by arrogorn on Oct 12, 2009 16:47:52 GMT
I divorced mine as soon as he started to go on about how much they cost, How much time I spent there, smell, towels going missing, horse hair in the washer, no holidays during show seasons! Do I need to go on!!! Have a lovely other half that doesnt say a word and lets me get on with things and he has his money and I have mine. He has his house and I have mine LOL
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Post by cassie30 on Oct 12, 2009 16:57:43 GMT
Same here Arrogorn! Best way too i think! Here when we need each other, not when we dont and is actually interested in the ponies and showing, but gets on with his own thing while we do ours! He would never dreaam of ringing and asking how long i will be, how much something costs, or where am i ? God i hate those questions!
In fact, if there is anything the kids need, he will fork out if it helps them in the ring! He's always the first to askhow we got on, even if he doesn't come to the shows himself, which, i am pleased about! Its great!
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Post by welshbyname on Oct 12, 2009 17:10:02 GMT
Same here Arrogorn! Best way too i think! Here when we need each other, not when we dont and is actually interested in the ponies and showing, but gets on with his own thing while we do ours! He would never dreaam of ringing and asking how long i will be, how much something costs, or where am i ? God i hate those questions! In fact, if there is anything the kids need, he will fork out if it helps them in the ring! He's always the first to askhow we got on, even if he doesn't come to the shows himself, which, i am pleased about! Its great! Where do I find one of these? ;D In response to O/P i agree with offering him a slice of the money to help with his business and keeping the majority to spend on the new pony, I understand it was you who put the effort in to be able to produce the pony and sell it at the profit but if you can keep the other half sweet ( and off your back!) for a while, and work wonders with a new pony, just dont tell him how much you make on this one, white lies, worth their weight in gold IMHO. xx
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Post by cassie30 on Oct 12, 2009 17:13:49 GMT
Hands off!! lol i'll see if he has a twin brother, though i doubt there are too many like him around, he has his faults too! lol
White lie's are needed sometimes, thats how we ended up with ponies, told the ex i intended to buy to sell on, no chance i wanted a lead rein for me!!
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Post by JessicaT on Oct 12, 2009 18:22:38 GMT
Its your money, does he contribute in any way? apart from moaning?? I made a profit on a pony a few years ago, EX hubby had it all spent. Should of seen his face when all he got was a shared takeaway. Set asie some money for your next purchase, he hubby wants some treat it as a loan and get him to pay you back, probably wont want it then.
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Post by elliebee on Oct 12, 2009 19:04:46 GMT
OH Hates horses and showing, I used to drag him to shows with me but he just hated it, so he just stays at home with baby or goes football, It's actually better not having him come with us he just used to fall asleep in the lorry and read his paper and I would just nag him to help. He is a very good Sponsor, I just dont mention the ponies to him or what I have brought, it's the best way xxx
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Post by girly on Oct 12, 2009 19:30:28 GMT
The questions I would ask are
How much does he contribute to the horses, if he is paying anthing towards them them then yes I think he is due some of the profit but you should still be able to buy another one
How is his business doing in this financial climate, does he need the money for its survival.
You are married and shouldshare things but it sounds as if you need to have a sensible conversation about it.
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Post by JessicaT on Oct 12, 2009 19:49:21 GMT
Why should you share profits of something you've worked hard with/for with someone that moans and whinges about time,money and effort. but will gladly spend your rewards. Married or not if they want a cut of the profits they should at least keep quiet. My exwouldnt part with a penny if he knew it was going on a horsey item, though i was mean not to share my profits, gained through hard work blood sweat and tears.to fund the next.
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Post by girly on Oct 12, 2009 21:55:33 GMT
Jesswka so according to you if your husband worked very hard at his own business he wouln't have to share any of the profit he made with you. I am so glad my relationship with my husband is not like that.
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Post by poop on Oct 12, 2009 22:38:42 GMT
Point out to him how well your 'investment' has been doing, and ask him if his have done as well! Obviously glossing quickly over cost of feeding and competing said investment Then give him a token sum to keep him sweet and save enough for the new purchase! If he funds the keep of the ponies then it would be fair to give him a bigger share or you could offer to purchase a pony in joint names, that might actually get him more interested too aswell you can tell him that it would be next years investment too
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Post by cassie30 on Oct 12, 2009 22:45:41 GMT
Girly i wouldn't share my profits with OH either, i didnt get with him for him to spend my money! lol ! he's far too loaded to be spending my hard earned cash!
Does save alot of arguements too, i mean if you dont share it, how can they whinge at you?
But, what suits you may not suit Jesskwa?
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Post by perfect on Oct 12, 2009 23:13:40 GMT
I always thought that marriage was a partnership, english women are so lucky that we vertually come and go and do almost what WE want to do, and the majority of our OH lets us. I do think it would be reasonable to let him have a share and treat him. I know i would, just to say a little thankyou for putting up with the way we horsey women are(glad im english)
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Post by cassie30 on Oct 12, 2009 23:25:57 GMT
Dont think it should be a case of oh LETTING us? That isn't being equal, we have a good understanding, we treat each other, but he doesn't need my money, my years earnings would be pocket money to him!!
Nothing wrong with treating him though, soften him up a little!! Do agree though, glad im an english girly!
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Post by nici on Oct 13, 2009 6:17:56 GMT
Can't really answer this without knowing more about your circumstances, but here are a few thoughts...
Does your OH pay towards the ponies? And I don't just mean pay to buy them, but pay for their keep? If you pay for the ponies, does he pay most/all household expenses? Or do you both contribute equally towards your living expenses, and in addition you fund the ponies entirely out of your own pocket?
How have you calculated the profit on the pony? A simple sales price - purchase price? Speaking as a business owner, that is not a profit. You would need to add in all the expenses for the pony - livery (or an allowance if the pony is kept at home), feed, farrier, insurance, vet, dentist, bedding etc etc. Plus cost of buying / running your horsebox, show entries, fuel, instructor / producer costs... Any of these that are applicable would be part of the expenses of keeping the pony and adding the extra value to it - presumably it's worth more now because of winnings or schooling etc.
If your OH has contributed either directly or indirectly (by subsidising your cost of living so you can spend your money on the ponies) to the pony I would say he is entitled to a share of the profit.
In my case I am the main breadwinner, and pay for almost all household expenses other than the weekly shop and the cost of running my OH's car. This includes mortgage, insurance, utilities, etc. plus childcare and clothing for me and my daughter. I also pay entirely for the ponies and for my horsebox. I earn a lot more than he does, it's a fair split for us. If I made a profit selling a pony I would feel fully entitled to keep it, as it's my money. However if it was a substantial amount, I would still want to share. Isn't that what partnership is about...?
Just my thoughts...
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Post by mady1 on Oct 13, 2009 7:30:31 GMT
My hubby usually buys them and i keep the profit as i have kept them and put all the work in but when they sell i give him the purchase price back.
I can understand his point of view but maybe there should be some compromise and whatever the substantial amount is maybe go for something else of same quality but not the recognition/experience??
I told mine once i come as a package, he moans but now does get involved so i cant grumble..
Good luck x
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Post by sageandonion on Oct 13, 2009 7:46:55 GMT
I too think marriage is a partnership and it is fine for you to have an expensive, time consuming hobby if his business is doing well or ticking over reasonably.
There is no profit in ponies, particularly show ponies, the cost of keeping is enormous and if you counted up the expense, I doubt you will have made a profit. Remember the next pony may cost you a fortune to keep.
So I am trying to see this from his point of view as well. If business is difficult and he is stressed, then if you go off playing ponies you may end up without a partner. It is up to you if you want that.
If business is good and you don't discuss and reach a reasonable conclusion, then you will still lose your partner and may not have the ability to have your ponies. No husband and no ponies.
I would be very careful in this situation if you love or even like your husband. My ponies are so very important and I work it so I have my non horsey husband happy and on side as well as ponies. Were I to have to choose between them, my husband would win every time.
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Post by amumwithapony on Oct 13, 2009 8:59:05 GMT
think about it like this, hubby takes up golfing for instance, spends every spare minute up at course, practising his swing or whatever golfers do. goes first thing in morning and after work every night, and comes home usually pretty stinky. spends all weekend up their during summer months in competitions, getting up at 5 am, sometimes staying overnight in his special golfing lorry, his hobby costs a fortune, and i mean a fortune, and pretty much dictates how his and your family time is spent. anyway, hubby has bought a set of average golf clubs for a few hundred quid, and because of all the practise he has done, all the sacrifices that you have made as a family, all the money you as a family have invested into said golf clubs, he sells then for a profit, lets say 2k. you decide that you want to put some of this money into your business (producing ponies), as you feel after all the sacrifices you have made as a family you deserve it. hubby says no, im buying some new golf clubs so i can continue what i do! Discuss
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Post by miffed off on Oct 13, 2009 9:20:21 GMT
i probably have not explained enough of the situation in depth, in an ideal world i would love to get my daughter another pony and carry on having one produced, last one was, and with money i have got for sold pony, i could buy another and still have loads left over to pay producers for most of the year, i have 2 jobs and pay for as much as i possilby can myself, yes he does help me if i am struggling he help me with a few months to pay producers fees, also my parents helped me from beginning of doing ponies, coming up the that extra bit if i could'nt quite find the money, and this has added up to an awful lot of money over years.If i got another pony they would support me all the way, not wanting anything back, but in the case if i do not get one, they feel {and i feel } they deserve money more than him, Husband is in the building trade, has his own company, things are not great at moment, but he still managed to buy brand new luxury truck and 3 houses, so if things are that bad why not sell one of them, i just feel in a no win situation.
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Post by amumwithapony on Oct 13, 2009 9:45:56 GMT
well my o/h also in building trade so i know how bad things are at the moment. dont know how hes managed to afford luxury truck and 3 houses! we have our own business too, and o/h currently using my car for work as we dont want to take on any more commitments. what does he want the money for? and as a company my understanding is that at the end of the year any money paid into it my a director or someone else is classed as a loan? so when will the company pay it back to you? does he genuinly need the money to stay afloat or improve the business or could he raise the finance from somewhere else?
at the end of the day if he has contributed to the keep of the pony, which it sounds like he has, then he does deserve some of the sale proceeds. i'd sit down with him, and go through the cost of purchasing the pony, the cost of keeping the pony, what he paid for and what you or your parents paid for. say he paid 10% of the cost of keeping pony, your parents paid 10% and you paid 80%. then work out the profit made on pony.just to keep maths simple, you paid £1000, sold it for £10,000 and it cost £2000 to keep and take to shows etc. so thats £7000 profit. your hubby gets £700, your parents get £700 and you keep the rest. now if he wants any of the money thats left, you give him what you feel you want as a loan to the business, and the loan is repaid at a set time, and as with the pony,you get a percentage of the profits that the loan generates OR the company pays you interest on the loan, at an agreed rate.
by doing it like this you make it clear who paid for what, who has what and what profit has actually been made, and any money he does take has to be repaid, if you decide to lend him anymore of the money. money is a funny thing in relationships and causes more arguements than anything else, so try not to let it escalte into a huge problem. IMO, things arent good at the moment for anyone with the financail situation the country is in. if your daughter already has a pony at home, maybe having one produced as well may not be realistic at this moment in time, and producers fees aren't cheap. maybe you have to class having a pony in production as a luxury you can do without at this moment in time, and just bite your lip until things get better financially. good luck hun!
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Post by jenwalsh on Oct 13, 2009 11:51:56 GMT
I think it would depend on how much you made from the sale and if your OH contributes to the ponies upkeep etc. My OH has nothing to do with my horses, does not pay a single penny towards them but then he pays the bills at home and i only have to pay for the shopping etc and my 'own' bills such as car, mobile etc (he earns double what i do) . But he would also never ask me for any money that i made from the horses although if it was a large amount that i didnt have earmarked for somthing else then i would quite happily share it with him.
I think that you just need to speak to him, if he really needs it for the business for valid reason then mayb you could come to a comprimise with the promise that he repays you or chips in for another pony in the near future?
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Post by hopeteam on Oct 13, 2009 13:54:57 GMT
My Mum and Dad, both are self-employed, they do make quite a bit, ut my mm pays for all the horses and stuff for them and my dad makes the hay and straw from our fields so it works out fine and he built our stables for us, and my mum bought him his new welder for doing it. I think its just about compromise and finding the right balance, but dont let him run you down, its your money at the end of the day, and how you choose to spend it is your coice entirely.
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Post by JessicaT on Oct 13, 2009 16:56:58 GMT
Yes girly, i paid for everything,house shopping MY ponies and his daughters hobby, he had his own self employed successful business which he choose to spend the money on his hobby.. Shall we say he was very 'whats mine is mine and whats yours is ours' hence the EX husband.
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Post by nffan on Oct 17, 2009 14:51:59 GMT
Reading this I reliase how lucky I am.
My husband is not horsey, but he will muck out, fill haynets and lead the ponies to the field. He does not come to shows, he looks after the ponies left behind. He actively encourages me to buy new ponies. We have a joint bank account. I am lucky in that he earns well. He buys the ponies but never expects to be given the profit. I put it in our joint account and it helps pay for the the new ones, showing etc.. I believe marriage is a partnership, if he said he wanted x from the sale of a pony for something for himself then I would actively encourage him to have it. But he does not he is keen for me to have the ponies and enjoy them.
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Post by poniesrus on Oct 17, 2009 15:38:09 GMT
My hubby is non-horsey really, although he'll come to the odd agricultural show etc.
But it's very much 'our' money rather than 'his or mine'. We've never had 'his' money and 'my' money, it's always been 'ours'. He never asks what I've paid for ponies and he never asks what I've sold them for, mainly I expect because he knows, end of the day, the money gets spent on the kids .. beit another pony, holiday or something else, they tend to benefit from it.
But, all our wages go in to a joint account and all the bills come out of it, be they household or horse, so it makes no odds to us.
We also tend to plan our 'projects' between us - this year was new barn with stables in it, next year is new workshop barn for hubby etc. It's worked well for the past 20+ years.
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