Grief and loss.

[penstock]

I have never worn my heart on my sleeve on a public forum before but i feel i need to now and especially in this section.

How do people deal with the grieving process when you loose part of your family very suddenly in one case and when you have to give permission to the vet to let them go.

On July 7 2008 my two 10wk old kittens were killed by two japanese akita dogs in my own back garden. they were known for getting out of the pub where they lived and scaled my 6ft fence and whilst my other cats had obviously jumped out and ran from them, the kittens had no chance. i was at home at the time but as i was upstairs and all of the cats could come and go through the catflap,incl the two boys i had no idea what had happened untill a neighbour came banging my door down as she had heard the screams ect...

i cant go into detail of the scene that confronted me and i dont think its fair to either for people reading this...

To this day i still havent come to terms with what happened and i still cant even talk about it...i had to ask a friend to tell my new husband what had happened as i cant even speak to him about it.

Last year at the end of July one of my other cats was shot in the eye and after battling to try and save it ,it was inevitable that he would loose it and this then really tipped me over the edge bringing all the thoughts and memeories of the kittens back and i ended up being signed off sick by the doctor for two weeks....i have never been signed off by my doctor in all my life.

this cat did make a full recovery and has adjusted to life with one eye rather well...

This sat,22nd may, one of my older cats Felix had been unwell only for a couple of days, just quiet and not eating much, you know when theyre not right...so on sat i took him to the vets.

blood tests confirmed he was in acute kidney failure and whilst they could do scans more tests ect...the prognosis was poor...

so i gave my consent to pts.... ive never had to make that decision in all the years ive owned cats......weve always been able to fix those thats needed the care regardless of cost.
the eye incident cost us our honeymoon.

im sorry its such a long post and i appaluad you if youve got this far....

its taken me nearly an hour to type this as i just dont know what to do, i cant describe how im feeling about making that decision on sat but i know i need to make a step forward as alot of how im feeling relate back to the two kittens....its just other events that bring it back to the surface..

how can i deal with this? i really dont know?

Jo x

[Milliesmum]

What a horrible time you are having. I think you just have to tell yourself that it's normal to feel this way, and give yourself time to get over things. No point trying to push your feelings to one side and soldier on, I think it has to come out sometime, now is as good a time as any. If you are really struggling then maybe a counsellor - it might help to talk to someone who you don't know who will just listen and let you get it all of your chest.

[penstock]

Thank you for replying and the words os advice you have all given...

lovepink, my Dr did suggest a counsellor and my works refered me to an occupational therapist but i think that was just routine after being signed off by the Dr.
i was in a complete state when i went there as i just thought he would want me to tell him all about whats happened and i really still coulndt talk about it..i was a mess in the waiting room and was just about to walk out when they called me in... he as very nice and again suggested a counsellor....but soemtimes you think you know better and should be able to deal with it and get on with life ect....things never go away and i think about it virtually everyday and its events that seem to bring it back to the forefront of my mind again...

i totally agree that loss and grief is part of life, but its the way we deal with it induvidually that we sometimes need help with....

guilt? couldve done more? my decision to end a life? the pain they suffered?
i dont know, just some things that have stuck with me.....

i sincerely appreciate your thoughts and comments...


Jo x

[Milliesmum]

From what you've said, you were absolutely not responsible for any of what happened. In time you'll see that having the older cat PTS was a difficult decision but absolutely the right one, you would have beaten yourself up more if you had allowed him to suffer.

[brindlerainbow]

Never feel guilty about ending the life of an animal that is suffering, by making that decision you are taking away thier pain and suffering because they can't make that decision themselves. Every animal owner should take the responsibility to prevent their pet from suffering, you completely did the right thing. I lost one of my beloved Boxers 5 years ago to GME which is one of the worst illnesses i've ever witnessed.I was reffered to Bristol and after tests and what have you I was told that putting her on steroids would give her another year, of course I agreed as I wasn't ready to let her go.She had been home from Bristol exactly a week, I knew that even if the steroids gave her another year she would have no quality of life. Milly lived life to the full and did everything flat out!!! With GME ( canine meningitis ) she was unable to run, bounce and behave as only a Boxer can so I made the decision to have her PTS. I was absolutely devastated but glad that I was able to end her suffering and sadness. I will never get over losing her and am finding it extremely difficult to type this through my tears. I cant talk about her last week because I just get so upset but I have so many happy memories of her. I have 2 fabulous Boxer girls now and when they are galloping round the garden playing tag I know Milly is out there playing with them. Just remember the good times with your old cat. The kittens will be harder to accept and in fact you will never accept it. When my foal died at birth last year I couldnt accept that he never even got to take his first breath, first step, see his mum and play with my other ponies. The hard thing is that animals that die young never get to enjoy the life that we have planned for them and that is the thing we cant accept. You wont get over the deaths of your cats but as life goes on things will get better believe me.

[dazycutter]

PM'd you

[wobbles]

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a really bad time, but your old cat would come back and thank you if it could, I have had many animals and some have had to be PTS and it is the hardest decision to make but it has to be made and you made the right one, your kittens were not your fault, but you still see the aftermath of what happened, you should go and see someone and talk to them about as much or as little as you like, you have had a terrible shock and you need to sort this all out in your mind, good luck xx

[penstock]

can i thank you all for your advice and support......i take bits of what everyone has put dearly....and having read the replies over the last two days without replying....i do feel a tiny bit better today.... each day wil get a bit easier i know....

The scene of what happened with the kittens will stay with me, that i know....but i do need to talk about it to help me deal with it..sometimes i think i can just come out and say it ina conversation without actually thinking about it....but i honestly know i really couldnt..

i thank you all again and cherish what people have shared throught their own experiences.

Jo xxxx

[heathers]

i am so sorry for whats happened to your babies,i cant imaging what your going through.
you do need to talk to someone though,i did,i cant tell you if it helped as i was in a bad place at the time but it certainly cant do any harm.
i'm not a huggy kind of person to humans but sending you the biggest hug ever