skye
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by skye on Jul 27, 2010 11:57:46 GMT
Just a quick question here
If your oh asked you to give up horse shows would you do it and if so why?
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Post by chocoholic on Jul 27, 2010 13:00:04 GMT
I guess it would depend on the circumstances, eg spending too much time away from family, including young children.
There is also the cost involved; is it a drain on the family's finances?
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skye
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by skye on Jul 27, 2010 15:43:25 GMT
no not at all - no family involved. Its something I've always done even before I meet him I just think if you had a problem with it then you shouldn't have continuted with the relationship for the last five years. I don't stop him doing any of his hobbies why should mine be have an impact?
Although I am trying to see the other side here!
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Post by lillegs on Jul 27, 2010 19:59:30 GMT
If it was me, I would look at the situation and come to some sort of compromise.
At the end of the day my OH knows that my horses were there before him and will be there after him if he leaves.
He know's I would never give them up unless I couldn't afford to give them the life they deserve, he knows the moment he makes me choose between him and them he has lost me lol!
However, I have cut down the amount of time I spend with them, I could easily spend every spare waking moment with my boys and always did do when I was single.
When I met my ex he made it clear he wasn't fond of my horses and the time they took, and so I had to adjust their time and his alot more than I wanted.
My current OH is brilliant, he'll come with me and spend time with me there, but i'll go with him to work in the lorry because I know that's what he enjoys doing so we have a lovely balance.
If I was you I would look at how much time I spent showing. Is it something that takes up virtually every weekend through the summer? Showing as you know isn't just about the one day, it's all the prep leading up to it aswell and that takes time.
If you are spending most of the summer prepping and going to show's then i'd say i'd understand where he is coming from.
If it was me i'd limit the showing to perhaps every other weekend and make sure the otehr weekend you do something nice together.
Relationships are tricky things to keep the balance in, he's a man and deep down they are sensistive creatures and although they don't like us knowing it they like to be the first thing we think of in the morning and the last thing we think of at night and hate it if there is a chance that you might love the horses more lol!
Do any of his hobbies coincide with the shows? Or is he at home or standing around at shows while you are doing your thing lol!
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skye
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by skye on Jul 29, 2010 11:24:28 GMT
No I guess on average I do two shows a month throughout the year. He even bought a horse to spend time with me then didn't turn up to ride it or look after it. Now sold and caused more arguement and problems than anything else! He won't come to shows and I'm not allowed to join him with his boxing doo's. If I offer to do something he needs to go shopping for the business which is open 6 days a week. So tried that - I don't come home till 7-8 he's the same. He needs to remember I can't doge out of work to do the horse like he can with his training - he's self employed with staff and can do what he likes. Feel like its a no win situation.  |
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Post by copernicus on Jul 29, 2010 12:28:04 GMT
Of course you should, he should be the centre of your whole life  Just kidding. As a man, it baffles me why some men get involved with a women who have horses and then expect them to give them up, usually while he expects to continue with his own interests (fishing, football etc). Come on guys it will never happen!! Is there some area of horse keeping / showing which he would be prepared to get involved with? My OH had a horse when we first met and it was made quite clear that she came first. WE now have 15 or 16. Just re-read this and god it sounds pompous but sincerely meant. |
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Post by eskvalleystud on Jul 29, 2010 12:43:34 GMT
I wouldn't unless finances dictated, in every relationship there is give and take but I do not beleive you should give things up upon a mans demand, being in a relationship does not give them the right to dictate your life!
my attitude is like it or lump it!
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Post by lillegs on Jul 29, 2010 13:47:35 GMT
Well as he is being so unreasonable and you don't show all weekend every weekend i'd tell him where to go lol!!
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Post by brindlerainbow on Jul 29, 2010 19:51:05 GMT
There are plenty more fish in the sea!!!!!  Ditch him, why would he want you stop doing the thing you really love and that makes you happy for no real reason Why should you give up because he wants you to??? If you were horsey before you met him then he needs to be quiet and let you get on with it!! My OH isn't horsey at all but is very good and dosent mind at all if im at a horse or dog show, he goes mountain biking so has his fun. When im playing with the ponies, he's stroking his bike!! I suppose the question you need to ask yourself is wether you want to spend the rest of your life with him and the demands he makes Good luck  Lifes too short to do what you dont want to do............... |
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Milliesmum
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COCKERP00S RULE!!!
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Post by Milliesmum on Jul 29, 2010 20:00:37 GMT
There's a difference between giving up because it's your choice and you're ready to do something different, and because someone else has pressured you into a decision. So I would stand firm, until the time is right for you. I had ponies after I was married, and my OH had his own hobbies, I made the decision to give up when I wanted to start a family, but it was MY choice and no one elses.
I feel that if you give in over this, what else will he start putting on the pressure about? It's the thin end of the wedge.
On the other hand, it's not something you can't pick up and start again at a later stage.
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Post by sageandonion on Jul 29, 2010 20:48:43 GMT
I think as a general rule it should be a subject for discussion and compromise and every situation is different.
However, from what you have said (and I am sumising from just a few sentences), I think there are a lot of underlying issues here and the showing is a secondary symptom rather than the cause of the conflict.
I think if you just say "stuff it" i am carrying on with the showing, showing then becomes the issue and the real stuff gets swept under the carpet. The fault then becomes yours.
Do you understand what I am saying or does it sound gobblydegook?
I think you need to address the blips in the relationship and not allow the showing to be brought into it.
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Post by inkjet on Jul 29, 2010 21:00:27 GMT
is he a football fan?
my other half only used to moan during these months where there is no football so he is bored at home all weekend. When there is football on he couldnt care less and seems to forget that on football days he can leave me for a full day on my own. Those months dont affect him its the months when he is home alone.
I have recently encouraged him to go shooting and he is now excited about getting a license and his own guns etc so that means when its sunny and I go to pony parties he can go off shooting.
My OH is none horsey and doesnt get involved at all but to be honest i mae my ex horsey and though it was good having my horses done for me when I get back from work etc it did cause us lots of rows. The horses were my time.
That said when I met current OH I had 7 ponies. I know have 4 but three are on loan. The decision to cut down was a bit of an ultimatum. Basically a massssoooooive proportion of my wages went on horses and when he wanted to make a step further by moving in together he asked if i could give him £150 a month. I said I couldnt afford to. He said if there was not some give we would never move out of mum and dads. We would never get married and have kids because I wouldnt cut down the horses. I realised I was being a tad selfish and none of the ponies were getting the one on one time they deserved.
I did a bit of soul searching and I realised that what he was saying was right and to move forward in my life numbers had to be reduced.
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Post by rhosyn on Jul 29, 2010 22:32:42 GMT
Lol inkjet myself and hubby have exactly the same compromise!
He gets to go shooting one day at the weekend and the other is mine and mine alone.....
Before he started shooting I didn't stand a chance but now I have a bargaining tool.......!
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skye
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by skye on Jul 30, 2010 8:29:49 GMT
sageandonion - I think you are right but trying to get out what the real problem is - is like batting ya head of a wall. Hence my reason for standing my ground. I also think if its not this then it will be something else. anyway think things have gone to far now when he hasn't paid mortage without saying anything. One thing is for sure I won't be letting my horse go. |
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Post by daizylindsay on Jul 30, 2010 8:39:33 GMT
This is a difficult one, my OH is not horsey at all and resents time spent with them a bit. We now have a baby and I'm finding juggling horses, hub and baba quite tricky!
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Post by viking on Jul 30, 2010 11:39:17 GMT
It's going nowhere. Get rid!
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skye
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by skye on Jul 30, 2010 11:54:08 GMT
Think I will print this off and show him!lol. Might make him sit up and listen. Thanks guys for all youe help.xx
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Post by kelliwic on Jul 30, 2010 19:32:38 GMT
My Hubby wasn't horsey at all when we met but loves towing the trailer and taking me and our daughter to shows. He is also good at stopping me buying to many, i once went to a sale brought one, then gave him the catalogue to look at i had carefully marked in bright red the one i had brought!!! He wasnt happy but when he saw her he was fine. Its all in the training!!!!
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