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Post by lolly on Dec 12, 2006 11:19:18 GMT
Weather pick me up giggles:
A husband and his wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? How the heck do I know? What do I look like, a weatherman?" He then slammed the phone down and settled into bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"I don't know. It was some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."
NEXT
Everybody knows about the Fujita Scale which measures the power of tornados. But nobody really knows what all those types of twisters do to COWS. So here is the MOOJITA Scale...
MOOJITA SCALE
M0 Tornado- Cows in an open field are spun around parallel to the wind flow and become mildly annoyed
M1 Tornado- Cows are tipped over and can't get up
M2 Tornado- Cows begin rolling with the wind
M3 Tornado- Cows tumble and bounce
M4 Tornado- Cows are AIRBORN
M5 Tornado- S T E A K ! ! !
Whatever happened to that cow that was lifted into the air by the tornado. Udder disaster!
NEXT
Two weathermen each broke an arm and a leg in an accident, and called from the hospital about the four casts.
NEXT
A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man named Rudolf.
He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take proper precautions and prepare for the worst.
After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone that it simply wasn't going to rain.
He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.
They argued back and forth for hours , so much that they went to bed mad at each other.
During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.
"See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain." His wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?" To which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"
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Post by FAO LOLLY on Dec 12, 2006 11:21:31 GMT
whats a boggie bus? i'm very intreged (sorry if spelt wrong lol)
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Post by lolly on Dec 12, 2006 11:25:24 GMT
A single decker bus kitted out with a bar (non alcholol drinks for teens) a disco lights, blacked out windows,and a dance floor) and a small cost of only  £90.00 per hour ....... |
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Post by julie on Dec 12, 2006 11:46:57 GMT
do you think I could convert our pre-war lorry? Would I have to weigh so many teens to meet regulations?
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Post by julie on Dec 12, 2006 12:58:30 GMT
You are not going to believe this BUT NOW I CANT FIND THE OLYMPIA TICKETS I BOUGHT BACK IN JULY!!! Why doesn't someone put me out of my misery?  A block of 8 and the most expensive which have been sitting on my desk....so I obviously had one of my "thats a stupid place i'll pu them somewhere safe" moments and because I'm going do-lalley/menopausal I cant remember where I put them...... |
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Post by lolly on Dec 12, 2006 12:58:46 GMT
BBC WEATHER...huh wonder how many millions is spent trying to forecast weather According to the weather for Sheffield today, light rain and drizzle, WELL BBC WEATHER HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.... Its a bloody torrential tornado outside our office block, so ya got it wrong again. Gosh do I need sunshine therapy, think I have SAD syndrome coming.  Julie you sound so like me, I lost our arena tickets, I hunted high and low and turned house upside down, cried and had a tantrum till I remembered I had given them my friend for safe keeping as I knew I would loose them. I too am at the moment am in a perminant state of trauma, a prozac diet I feel in dire need of. |
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Post by jule on Dec 12, 2006 13:17:40 GMT
Well, a big THANK YOU TO OLIVIA AT OLYMPIA BOOKING OFFICE as she, bless her cotton socks, has arranged replacements so I can pick them up on Friday....otherwise I'd have stood in front of the next bus.... it did not go down well with the friend (in London having her nails manicured!!!!!!!) and even less with my mother who hasnt been to Olympia since it was the Courvoisier Championships many many moons ago (I think thats right) Old chap who helps us is in the dangerous process of putting up new curtain poles, helpfully without the posh ceramic ball ends which smashed via the courier and whose replacements STILL HAVENT COME - its dangerous as he needs specs for close work but wont wear them so no doubt they''ll be on a slant.. Dont know what the BBC said about the midlands but here in sunny Worcestershire there is an artic gale, feels like 10 degrees below, its grey, raining, still no heat in office, cant feel feet, havent mucked out yet, two ponies out in hock deep mud looking miserable and other pony in looking miserable and me typing this feeling miserable but marginally relieved I havent let friends down. I havent even been able to enjoy the more humerous postings!  |
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Post by lolly on Dec 12, 2006 13:57:00 GMT
Do you know I am amazed at the perseverance of people who smoke. I am sat looking at and watching the hurricane thats happening outside from my window at work. It overlooks the Training facilities for a Health Company. There are several people all smoking outside in gale force conditions getting wind blown, soaked and ducking broken tree branches. Am I missing something but to me this is downright lunacy..... oh and totally off the subject girls, buy a Joules furry lined bonet called i think an Eiger, best purchase yet this season to keep head dry and ears warm, marvellous, (even though you do look a bit of a twit in it) along with some Muckboots ;D |
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Post by lolly on Dec 12, 2006 14:56:08 GMT
Wising up, the smokers are back an hour later outside, obviously beats whatever they are doing on the inside, decided going to go to joke shop to buy pretend ciggie in spring  I can then become a pretend smoker sunning myself outside on a hourly basis. How often do you think I would get away with nipping out for a ciggie and how long could I stay there without boss man being grumpy  |
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Post by lolly on Dec 12, 2006 15:22:02 GMT
Bugging me now, worked out if you work full time and have two ten minute ciggie breaks a day, over the year that amounts (taking holidays into consideration) 10 days a year.  Think I ought to have extra hols, but not sure the boss will ware it  |
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Post by sallyw on Dec 12, 2006 16:57:49 GMT
Julie you must live somewhere near to me as were supposed to have dry and possibly even sunny today and that was a total lie! Interestingly on the Met Office web site it said there might be heavy showers in th e afternoon in the Midlands - and yet I thought the BBC got the info from there - or are they so afriad of complaints if they say it is going to rain again that they make it sound a bit better (actually a lot better) than it really will be. I,ve got an inflatable dinghy I was going to sell on ebay but noe I'm off the blow it up.
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Post by sallyw on Dec 12, 2006 16:58:14 GMT
Julie you must live somewhere near to me as were supposed to have dry and possibly even sunny today and that was a total lie! Interestingly on the Met Office web site it said there might be heavy showers in th e afternoon in the Midlands - and yet I thought the BBC got the info from there - or are they so afriad of complaints if they say it is going to rain again that they make it sound a bit better (actually a lot better) than it really will be. I,ve got an inflatable dinghy I was going to sell on ebay but now I'm off the blow it up.
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Post by lolly on Dec 13, 2006 13:49:13 GMT
Has anybody noticed the serious lack of shavings in their area, I can only put it down to the fact everybody is keeping the horses in so much due to the rain |
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Post by julie on Dec 13, 2006 14:12:01 GMT
oh dont say that is why my delivery of easibed hasnt arrived -down to the last two bales!
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Post by julie on Dec 13, 2006 16:10:42 GMT
I've just come from a mercy dash to the bank to throw a cheque at my overdraft and also ran into Waitrose in order to buy 13 boxes of matches (because they go in the decorated matchbox holders a friend and I paint, that's why) so I can try and flog them tonight at a table top sale when I saw masses of people I knew, all immaculately groomed. I am wearing big dirty (hay attacked) blue fleece, paint stained trousers stuffed into my husband's wellies, hair is revolting as is my unmade face - I tried not to make eye contact but one of Georgie's old school chums mum (who must go to bed fully made up) saw me then purposefully changed direction to avoid meeting me!
Actually, I'm kinda hurt! But its in keeping with my luck of the last 6 months....
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Post by sallyw on Dec 13, 2006 16:55:15 GMT
Going back to the lack of shavings, I have started using hemp (the small bits not the coarser Aubiose stuff) and find it very good and qucik to muck out. HOWEVER - Had a keen new girl start today and she used ten bales in seven stables (and one chicken pen) The chickens can't quite get through the door the shavings are so high inside and have not one bale left!! Hope the fact that I can't get through to the man who sells it doesn't mean something!!
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Post by lolly on Dec 14, 2006 8:14:54 GMT
Last year I used Aubious, really liked it but I did find it expensive, my friend said its because I used it wrong . I would happily change from shavings to something better but dont want to make a expensive mistake having three horses to bed down. I also I finding fetching it a real pain, and really could do with a bulk delivery of something but again not sure what the best option is. |
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Post by Pho3nix on Dec 14, 2006 8:46:44 GMT
Going back to the lack of shavings, I have started using hemp (the small bits not the coarser Aubiose stuff) and find it very good and qucik to muck out. HOWEVER - Had a keen new girl start today and she used ten bales in seven stables (and one chicken pen) The chickens can't quite get through the door the shavings are so high inside and have not one bale left!! Hope the fact that I can't get through to the man who sells it doesn't mean something!! hahaha love the term a Keen new girl.... bless her ;D we're not having a problem finding shavings, well at the moment anyway.... got a few bags left, but the guy has "gone on holiday".... humm is that his way of saying i've not got any left |
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Post by norainjstsun on Dec 14, 2006 15:07:51 GMT
well girls '
you do all sound like your having fun, me just been selfridges last of christmas shopping done too much like hard work nowdays .
New beau vet ,young ,fit and a looker so who knows what i will be unwrapping for christmas .
Call from the HEARTBREAKER i wont go there,i wont go there (well i might )
To cheer you all up not long now and we will all be getting ready for the winter champs and we can all go back to moaning about something important .
SO ALL HAVE A GREAT CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR .
and remember summmer just round the corner (somewhere)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Post by lolly on Dec 14, 2006 15:19:29 GMT
GOSH EVERYBODY LOOK A CHEERFULL HAPPY PERSON In a even badder mood now, Its christmas and our Training Company receives, as you do, loads of chocies, Staff tell boss its his duty to hide well from Slimming Staff, Boss hides choccies, BUT NOT BLOODY WELL ENOUGH, because as soon as he went out we found them, ate loads, feel sick... silly man cannot do anything right!!!!  |
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Post by Pho3nix on Dec 14, 2006 16:01:29 GMT
;D ;D ;D you ladies really make me laugh with your weight dilemas ;D ;D ;D
i dont mean that in a bad way, but u do make me smile. its all good, dont worry about it. As you're all horsy, you will be fitter then the average lady out there i'm sure, plus its Christmas!
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Post by norainjstsun on Dec 14, 2006 16:13:53 GMT
Its christmas ,so what would any of you like to be unwrapping
just had a mid winter holiday 2 weeks gran canaria ,sun.surf .......
dont over indulge on the chocs and booze ,or it will have to be new jods come spring ..
I would like all my xmas wishes too come true this year , it will take me till easter to work throu them thou ...
jingle bells,jingle bells jingle balls ,jingle balls ...
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Post by sallyw on Dec 14, 2006 18:50:19 GMT
Going back to "keen new girl" mentioned above - some of the thin gs I have had to say to her today may give you a glimpse of how things are going:
1. This is hay, we put it in the hay nets and then hang them up.
2. No he is not attacking you, windsucking is non-agressive.
3. If you close the gate after you put them in the field you will find they don't come back in the yard so easily.
4. As I told you yesterday, they are two colts, so one or both of them will not have a foal, despite what they are doing in the field.
5. It doesn't matter whether any of the ponies look hungry or not they still get fed.
6. I don't care whether or not you could do up Lulu's rug - she does not go out without it.
and finally - "have you been looking for a full time job - do feel you can leave at any time if you get another job!!
God save me from girls who have a college degree!! Its amazing how much havoc they can cause even when you are in the yard with them.
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Post by princess on Dec 15, 2006 1:01:52 GMT
Overbent even though that story had me crying with laughter that much! ( I now need tena ladys) that poor bloody dove!!!
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Post by Pho3nix on Dec 15, 2006 8:01:11 GMT
Going back to "keen new girl" mentioned above - some of the thin gs I have had to say to her today may give you a glimpse of how things are going: 1. This is hay, we put it in the hay nets and then hang them up. 2. No he is not attacking you, windsucking is non-agressive. 3. If you close the gate after you put them in the field you will find they don't come back in the yard so easily. 4. As I told you yesterday, they are two colts, so one or both of them will not have a foal, despite what they are doing in the field. 5. It doesn't matter whether any of the ponies look hungry or not they still get fed. 6. I don't care whether or not you could do up Lulu's rug - she does not go out without it. and finally - "have you been looking for a full time job - do feel you can leave at any time if you get another job!! God save me from girls who have a college degree!! Its amazing how much havoc they can cause even when you are in the yard with them. oh dear, things do not seem to be going that well, as each point you made gathers in frustration! I think my favourite is number 3 hahah  |
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Post by Pho3nix on Dec 15, 2006 8:12:57 GMT
in reply to Overbent's post: oh my god... he sounds like a right wet blanket! very entertaining story! |
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Post by lolly on Dec 15, 2006 8:40:06 GMT
Overbent cheered me up on a typical rainy friday morning, I have given you a Karma ;D |
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Post by sallyw on Dec 15, 2006 11:33:48 GMT
I am not going to bore you with daily stories of keen new girl but today takes the biscuit. There is another girl who comes and rides a couple of times a week she was here today. New groom announces she is a lesbian and fancies rider. HELP!!!
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Post by Pho3nix on Dec 15, 2006 11:37:04 GMT
I am not going to bore you with daily stories of keen new girl but today takes the biscuit. There is another girl who comes and rides a couple of times a week she was here today. New groom announces she is a lesbian and fancies rider. HELP!!! oh they do not bore us, they are highly entertaining  sounds like you have another pickle there.... whats that old saying again? if u cant beat them, join them? I guess you could always pick times for the rider to come when your groom isn't around.... altho probably easier said then done... tis a pickle |
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Post by lolly on Dec 15, 2006 19:31:50 GMT
oh fetherston , how lovely a budding romance over poo picking!!! any way, sneaked on here for two minutes, 14 fifteen years olds just left house to go off on boogie bus, then off for a meal, but that boogie bus.... it was brill!! I gotta just gotta get me one, it was black with a dance floor that moved if jumped, a bar, disco and the works, all for £90 a hour. The house resembles a hookers boudoir, with the dogs joking and fighting for breath due to hair spray intoxication, makeup and clothes strewn everywhere, but the quiet is eary but fab Hubbie of course was is late arriving home, the bugger, he said a board meeting went on, who is he kidding Anyway peace until they arrive back , six sleeping apparently not sure where yet but passed caring Tomorrow starting Xmas shopping as not bought a sausage yet, parents just gone to, I invited them to Xmas lunch and they have unbelievably just spent the last hour having a full scale row over what I will cook - dad wants turkey and mum wants beef - I just said I would do both in the end |
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£90.00 per hour 
A block of 8 and the most expensive which have been sitting on my desk....so I obviously had one of my "thats a stupid place i'll pu them somewhere safe" moments and because I'm going do-lalley/menopausal I cant remember where I put them......
I can then become a pretend smoker sunning myself outside on a hourly basis.
