dizzy
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Posts: 417
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Post by dizzy on Nov 9, 2006 0:19:47 GMT
man goes for a nite on the town with his mates in the club he sees a gorgeous girl he says rather loudly to his mates "man i wouldnt mind getting in her pants, girl replies "youve got no chance ive got one ass hole in there alredy thanks.
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dizzy
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Posts: 417
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Post by dizzy on Nov 9, 2006 0:43:01 GMT
husbands are like children they are fine if they are someone elses
the best reason to divorce a man is .......ill health...........your bl***y sick of them
if you think the way to a mans heart is his stomach youve been misinformed youre aiming too high.
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dizzy
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Posts: 417
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Post by dizzy on Nov 9, 2006 1:14:06 GMT
TOP 10 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED MAN.
1. That explains your car 2. Ive never seen one like that before 3. Does it still work 4. Are you cold 5. I wondered why you were single 6. awwwww thats cute 7. Will it squeak if I squeeze it 8. maybe it looks better in natural lite 9. Have you drunk to much beer 10. Why dont we skip right to the cigarettes
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dizzy
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Posts: 417
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Post by dizzy on Nov 9, 2006 1:47:34 GMT
What does a man and a bottle of beer have in common? ..... They are both empty from the neck up.
Why are men like laxatives?......... coz they both irritate the crap out of you
Why do men have holes in the end of there thingy's?............. so the oxygen can get to their brains
How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs everytime a busty blonde walks past in a bikini
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dizzy
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Posts: 417
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Post by dizzy on Nov 9, 2006 10:56:13 GMT
Whats the worst part of a mans body? His thingy because its got a head with no brains, it hangs out with 2 nuts and it lives round the corner from an ass hole
Why is food better than men? Coz you dont have to wait an hour for seconds
Why are men like blenders? You think you need one but your not sure why
What do men and microwaves have in common? They are both done in approx 30secs
How can you tell if a mans well hung? If you cant get your finger between the rope an his neck
What did the elephant say to the man? Its kinda cute but can it pick up peanuts
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Post by lolly on Nov 9, 2006 14:41:11 GMT
Dizzy like it - added one of my own
Men 1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? - Both of them. 2. Why did the man cross the road? - He heard the chicken was a very *friendly* person. 3. Why don't women blink during foreplay? - They don't have time. 4. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They don't stop and ask for directions. 5. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? - He buys two cases of beer. 6. What is the difference between men and government bonds? - The bonds mature. 7. Why are blonde jokes so short? - So men can remember them. 8. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? - We don't know; it has never happened. 9. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? - They all already have boyfriends. 10.What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? - A widow. 11.When do you care for a man's company? - When he owns it. 12.Why are married women heavier than single women? - Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. 13.How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes. 14.What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? - They're married. 15.Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God - says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
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dizzy
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Posts: 417
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Post by dizzy on Nov 9, 2006 17:51:02 GMT
REPLIES TO MENS CORNY CHAT UP LINES.
MAN...havent i seen you somewhere before WOMAN REPLIES...yeah thats why i dont go there anymore
MAN... is that seat empty WOMAN REPLIES... Yeah an this one will be to if you sit there
MAN...your place or mine WOMAN......both you go to yours an ill go to mine
MAN .....so what do you do for a living WOMAN....im a female impersonator
MAN..... hey babe whats your sign WOMAN.... NO ENTRY
MAN.... how do you like your eggs WOMAN.....unfertilised
MAN......I would go to the end of the earth for you WOMAN.... but would you stay there
MAN...... If i could see you naked i would die happy WOMAN......If I saw you naked Id die laughing
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dizzy
Full Member
Posts: 417
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Post by dizzy on Nov 9, 2006 18:34:08 GMT
Why men are like photocopiers? ..... you only need them for reproduction
Whats the difference between a hedgehog and a sports car? ....... the hedgehog has pricks on the outside
How do you tell if a mans happy? .......does anyone actually care
whats the difference between a woman and a PC? ........a woman wont accept a 3.5" floppy
What do you do if your best friend runs off with your boyfriend/husband? .......pity her and miss her
Whats the quickest way to lose 190lb of useless fat? .......divorce him
Why dont men believe in paternity tests? .......because the sample is taken from their finger
What do a clitoris an anniversary and a toilet have in common? .......men always miss them
What is the insensitive bit at the base of a p e n i s called? ummmmmmmmmm A MAN
Husband says to wife do you fancy a quickie? .......wife replies, as opposed to what
Why is urine yellow and sperm white? .......so men can tell if theyre coming or going
What do you a man with 99% of his brain missing? .......Castrated
she
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