Yet another argument........

[horseymadamz]

Does anyone elses other half think there the only one who should have a hobby? I just took a year out to have a baby recover from cancer move house and spend more time with my kids and now I'm feeling back on form and wanting to go back to either eventing or showing I'm all of a sudden selfish am I been selfish? I mean if I start doing other types of showing I will be involving my little girl doing leid rein etc so I would be spending time with them still, he goes off abroad and around England playing his blooming football so isn't he also then been selfish if that's the case....what did you guys do when you just had kids?

[melons]

its the other way round with me.... i sometimes feel bad that my hubbie doesnt really have a hobby as such... he is always working as he regularly points out... he is very good really and will help me out if i need it.... but back to you, no your not being selfish as long as you try to balance it out and spend some weekends at home at least! As you said you will be spending time with your little girl - it just gets difficult when you have other non interested kids at home. xx

[horseymadamz]

My little boy only 7 months so I don't need to worry about his interest in horses yet lol just wish my other half could see this new start in a different area of showing as family focused and join in a bit I may go back to eventing in short while only had this year off for those reasons but maybe I won't go away as much or something instead to balance it out or maybe I should do what he says sell all the horses and just have one to ride around the cross country estate as a pleasure thing lol x

[sarahp]

If your little girl is old enough and interested why not get her a been there, done it all sort of first ridden pony and let her learn to ride and enjoy it round the estate with you, along with one horse for you to potter on for the time being? I must admit my daughter when small would have been bored to death doing LR showing, much more fun at PC and playing ponies with her mates!

[rebel22]

my oh has his own sport bikes but has put these on hold at the moment to help me with my horses i had a brain op last year and he has encourage me to continue the the horses even to still riding

[sageandonion]

I agree entirely with this OH, he must be beside himself as well as being a Saint. You have been buying, selling, buying, dogs and horses and then having dogs put down and looking to buy more dogs. There are your other children and now a baby as well as an illness. Incidentally, in case you don't realise though your consultant must have told you, cancer takes longer than a year to recover from.

[princessstacie22]

I know what you mean horseymadamz as my OH also thinks that my horses take over my life but i think maybe your situation is a bit different. If you have had cancer and and baby within the past year then you need to take things easy!!
Maybe he is just looking out for you. You do seem awfully busy and i am sure he would hate to see you ill again by not taking things slowly. Maybe put the others out on loan or pay someone to help you, then you can plod around the estate until you have got your fitness levels up again and then maybe next year start again with the eventing etc.

[eskvalleystud]

I think your OH is very patient and understanding considering you have had cancer, have small children, deal in horses, was doing worldwide eventing last year and buying you a 2 million pound property and letting you swan off to york sales today when you should be resting and recovering from your cancer - any loving husband would be driven demented with worry about what you get up to after suffering such a terrible disease, I am fit and healthy with only one child to look after but cannot do half of what you get up to! I also cannot do alot of the things I used to before having children as if I did it would mean daughter would never see me!!!

[horseymadamz]

Made decision today to keep my oldest eventer and new horse for general riding putting the other two out on loan mare and foal going to one my friends and gonna get my brother to break in his welsh a for my little girl I think Sageandonion I not just got cancer I been spending the past year recovering, the doctors because my condition said I should have an abortion as was 6 weeks pregnant when found out had cancer but It wasn't happening, I am one those people who never slows down does drive him crazy

[eskvalleystud]

how did you manage to event last year on Mikado with cancer? is that not unsafe to do (suppose eventing worldwide is unsafe but still did your doctors not go mad at you! esp if you were pregnant at the same time)

[sageandonion]

I think you are superwoman, you must slow down or you will get poorly. Especially as you were competing abroad as your horse doesn't have a BE record in the UK.

[helle]

I, as opposed to others, have not read your other post so will refrain from making any assumpions about your life

I am in a similar situation, although my children are older and I am not recovering from anything more than a cold. I think it is very difficult when you have young children. I myself, put my horse on loan while they were small, but did demand him back when my youngest was 6 months old.I think it is important to strike a balance between being mum/ dad and being 'you'. My oh incidently is also into bikes and we have had to strike several deals so f.ex. he would look after the children on a Saturday enabeling me to show, and then I would have them on the Sunday to enable him to go out on his bike. I does become easier as they get older, but just remember that just because you are into horses it doesn't men that they will be. Out of my two the olders daughter is obsessed like me, the younger daughter can take it or leave it.
With regards to your immediate situation: could you show one of the horses you have keept back?? Or team upwith someone who might need a rider at shows?? Maybe you will find that your daughter gets so into the showing that you soon won't have time to worry about riding yourself ( join my club then).
I do agree with you though that time to yourself is very important, and although your OH may be trying to protect you from more stress it is maybe worth trying to do some negotiation with him about time off as a mum. Letme know how you get on!

[bonnieheather]

How old are you? Do you have much family nearby, parents/in laws that could help you out?
Marriage has to be about give and take, but remember to take time out for the 2 of you together once in a while!!!