Cancer

[wave]

Some of you are aware that my mum has pancreatic C i was nursing her at my home, but she became very poorly and now is in Loros.

I could do with having a chat with any of you that has experienced a member of the family with this type of cancer.

At times a find it difficult to keep my family of 2 kids and hubby ticking away as usual. and tonight i am low.

This cancer my mum has is nasty. you never no where you are with it. plays tricks. one min you think thats it ....she is on her travels so to speak ,then next hr pops up as there is not much wrong!

Tonight at Loros i saw a patient with this type of cancer it wasn't a pretty sight. got me down knoiwng that my mum will not be long behind looking like this

I have had a few glasses of wine, and i no my hubby will be peeed off with this. he is suffering at mo with stress and a bad shoulder. so i really do not want to bother him to much.

I no its hard for the family to understand .i have a 14yr old and a 11yr old. and i no that my mum would not want them to suffer because of her. she really is a wonderfull mum, and always has been. never thinks about her self only others.

House work, and getting and cooking food for the family is becoming a ordeal. just want to spend time sitting next to my mums bed.

My wonderfull old boy (Thats me horses of 17h) is the only one that understands. we talk in are own sort of way.

[mamanag]

sorry to hear about your mum you must be going through a dreadful time i have no experince of this type of cancer but understand what your going through as nursed my gran through cancer as refused to be hospitalised and its very difficult as well as coping with everday family pressures...you need to speak to OH especially if your struggling you say he is stressed but under the circumstances i am sure he can put a lid on it..few glasses of wine ok but it wont help seen the late night cafe keep up with it take your mind off the imminent infact in there in a mo to order so best be available...hugs xxx

[wave]

Thanks Mam

For the effort of posting and your advice. I am at the stage now of getting together a family meeting and explaining how i feel, and asking for them to bear with me. I use to be a nurse well a paramedic. and physio helper.
years ago. some times i think it worse knowing what is happening, then not.

[mamanag]

pmd you

[wave]

Hi there feeling abit better today. thanks for all your kind words last night

LOROS are sorting out a package of care, for my mum to go home. Problem is, mum says she is not ready yet, and feels she couldn't cope.
She lives alone. She is soooo weak, she has only been away from her home for 3wks and has forgotten what it looks like. she says she would like to stay there, but have been told its only a short stay hospice.

I promised her years ago never to send her into a nursing home, but it has got to the stage of looking on the web. have to say ,seen one that has just been opened it looks fantastic!

O well meet with doc tomow and have a good discussion. Any one you no that has stayed in LOROS for a long period?

[amumwithapony]

sorry to hear this Wave. My mum nursed my stepdad a few years ago with prostrate cancer that spread everywhere in a few months. It was very hard for her and all the family, but the difference I supoose is that he didnt want to go into a hospice and wanted to be at home when the end came.

If you want me to I will move this thread to the General Area or the snug where you may get a few more responses. Will reply properly later when I have more time.

[buriedalive]

Sorry to here your bad news cancer is such a horrible illness, I lost both grandads to cancer: one who had it for years and never affected them and one who was diagnoses in jan 2010 and died in april. I come from a huge family and we all clubbed together to help care as both grandads wanted to be at home. In my experience, it was very quick towards the end, even the one that had it for years. We had Macmillan nurses help whenever the family couldn't cope/be there. I would absolutely recommend them, they were a godsend and such lovely people that knew what they were doing. Also the local Hospice had workers that would come out if Macmillan nurses couldn't, they came without fail every night to sit by his bedside. Not sure about the funding and costs for this but it's defo worth looking into. X

[ruftytuftyrider]

So sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my gramps to cancer and my mum is in remission from Lukemia. Macmillan nurses were fantastic when my uncle had cancer so would second buriedalive's recommendation. My great grandfather always said he didn't want to go into a home but when he did he found it much better than he expected and found it more of a positive experience than a negative one. - sometimes the thought is worse than the reality.

[wave]

wow thanks all
Well as my mum is in LOROS and is suffering no pain at mo, but very weak, as much as she cannot turn her self in bed. They are still on my back in moving her to a nursing home.

I have found a very modern one, which is very much like a hotel. only been opened a year........ when i took my mum to have a look in a wheel chair. she says it was to big and would get lost!
( smack hand on head)....it was only because they where showing her around.

I have visited loads in the last 2 days!( thats why i have not been on here)

And all i have visited, have been awfully! i wouldn't even keep a animal in them! the stick, and old fashioned and worn out decor, stressed staff! was unbelievable! stains on seats they offered me to be seated! well speech less.

[amyx]

So sorry that you are going through this. You need to give yourself credit. You are doing everything you can to care for her and your family.
My grandmother has just moved in to a nursing home as I have 4 children and no space and my mum and dad are not well. It was the only option.
I spent a great deal of time trying to find somewhere that felt right. I was lucky that her doctor suggested this nursing unit as he had good experiences with the staff and patients.
Perhaps you could talk to her doctors and ask them where they think is best for her needs.
I really hope that you can give yourself some time with your horse I think that is so important so that you can have some quiet time.

Massive Hugs to you

[ponymum]

Wave - so sorry to hear you are struggling, its vey hard to deal with , without having the worry of trying to find somewhere where your mum will feel comfortable. Have you spoke to macmillan nusres? they were brilliant with us when my dad was ill with the big c. Fortunately he had an agressive form of cancer that took him quickly and he was only in hospital for 6days, on the 4/5th day the hospital tried to send my dad to a hospice, and the macmillan nurse intervened and said categorically not as he was too ill to travel, so he died peacefully a day later....im sure you can have your mum at home with the nurses coming at regular intervals if that is where she feels she wants to be, lets face it , if its her last wish, id want to be able to grant it....Do what you feel is right and enjoy the time you have left with her, it really is precious xxxx

[Deleted]

I work with c all the time, you can pm me if you wish, I agree with contacting macmillan nurses, my best mate was macmillan nurse of the year last year, chin up there is help.

[sageandonion]

Dear Wave, I hope you can find a way through this maze. I don't have experience of helping people in their twilight, but the MacMillian nurses sound like Saints, special people. I am sure they will help and advise you what is best.

It is sad your mum cannot stay where she feels comfortable and you are right not to consider a nursing home which you would not want to be in yourself. It is a shame she doesn't like the nice one you found and, it doesn't matter what the reason is, she must have somewhere she wants to be. It sounds too much for her to be in her own home though. Sending you some strength and speak to the MacMillans.

[wave]

Jan 29, 2011 14:00:13 GMT cayberry said:

I work with c all the time, you can pm me if you wish, I agree with contacting macmillan nurses, my best mate was macmillan nurse of the year last year, chin up there is help.

thanks for that

Thank you all again.
Having to move mum tomow, and she will be going to the one that i chose. very nice. i am at mums side now at LOROS trying to keep her as cheerful as poss. Her wishes where to stay where she is, i have tried, but to no avail. Also mum would like to go to a place that's nearer her home, again there isn't any.

Today i have met 3 lovely people that have cancer. and shared a few cups of tea with. The oldest of the three must only be late 40!
they all have been given 2 weeks! some breast cancer others brain and lung! You wouldn't believe the strength that they have, unbelievable! Its them that have been keeping me going. and been so nice to my mum that i want to cry. what inspiration they are. Two of them leave young children
I will never complain of a headache again.