Friends who aren't Friends!

[julie]

Is it just my age or maybe it is just that I am not true-friend material but I seem to have arrived at a stage in life when people who I thougt were true blue are, one by one, turning out to be right snakes in the grass...one set of so-called friends have taken the inevitable child rivalry to new heights - they call me and ask for show details, addresses etc or I offer them wily nily but do you tihink anything is reciprical? Oh no! I have even just found out that they are sponsoring an interschools event and have they told me about it? And our kids go to the same school! I have done masses of entertaining for them (and belive me kiddos we dont hold back on food or booze!) - why are they acting this way do you think? Its got to the stage I just dont want to have anything to do with them.....oh dear. Now can count true friends on fingers of one hand!!!

[snakes]

I too have come to the decision of who is a true friend these days or just an associates, I help my Friends whenever possible but with my busy life style, young children and ponies to look after I'm finding myself getting more and more lonely, friends (or people I always thought were friends) are becoming more and more difficult to get on with, these people are semi horsey where their children have grown up, dumped the horses and live a life of nightclubs and drink, but if you listened to the parents they were all Olympic material, they could hardly win a Rosette at the pony club? I just bite my lip. I would like to think my children have had more success they each have competed year after year at HOYS since 1997, we are home produced and our success is down to sheer hard work, of a group of four friends, each one, one by one will talk about the other behind each other's backs of which 2 months ago I'd had enough and backed off, they are all still lunching together, attending each others parties and here I am the innocent one all alone, and then there's the so called friends at shows that are friendly when your having a rough time and cannot speak if your doing well, so Julie I cannot answer you, the only way I can see a true friendship is 2 people in the gutter wearing identical clothes with the same money in their pockets and each never achieved more than the other.

[julie]

oh well, its Monday and so far people who came to see house dont want it and lovely young pony seems to be developing a windgall and to top it all I bought Harry Potter tickets for a group of friends who one by one have had to drop out so am thinking that daughter and I will at least have the comfort of 3 empty seats to keep us away from the riff raff!! Was blanked by someone at little show yesterday who is a member of our PC, daughter fell off young pony, and other pony has punctured his sole so is off work with poutices etc.....and I still cant think of anyone to invite around for my birthday next week!!

[overatdaknee]

Hey Julie if you are in part of the world I'll come to your birthday party! Hehe! You are quite right, as you get older you are lucky to count the number of true friends on the fingers of one hand and so many people are not what they seem. I am lucky enough to have a very good bestest friend who I can rely on through thick and thin, trouble is I am quite often thick- but never thin........................

[RiffRaff]

Why not invite some of the riffraff,you may be pleasantly suprised and who knows may even find true friends.

[julie]

oh, I don't think even the riff raff would be interested..........

Boo Hoo!

[bigbay]

I wasthat once told that Fine friends are like diamonds precious and rare, false friends are like autumn leaves found everywhere.

[Milliesmum]

I think you find out who the real friends are when the going gets tough - earlier this year my other half was very ill, and the true friends were fantastic. They're the ones who look after your children, feed them, entertain them, taxi you to the hospital at ridiculous hours, the ones who sit in a&e with you at 2.30am, the list goes on.

And these are the ones who you remember when the boot is on the other foot, because you know without a doubt that they will be there for you when you need them.

[lincolstables]

This made me think...how many really true friends have I got...Mmm...I honestly think only 2. The rest I would say are aquaintances, they wouldnt be there for me in a real emergency. How sad is that??

[Milliesmum]

It's surprising though that its often the people who you wouldn't expect who are there for you when the chips are down. I'm eternally grateful to those who helped me to cope at a very difficult time, but people who I only would have described as acquaintances previously made the effort to phone me and offer assistance.

So maybe you have more friends that you think - but I do hope you don't have to have an emergency to find out!

[flashthecash]

I gave up on true friends along time ago.... well its cheaper at christmas!.. that aside I do have one true friend.. but don't tell them everything... but I know I can count on when things are really going down hill.

funny, the other night I was at a "freinds" having a quick chat & update... and someone turned up.. "new" friends.. saying this and that.. only to find out "they" knew nothing of said "friend" I found it quite funny..

I have learnt over the years.. keep your friend close and your enermies even closer!

Billy no mates... thats me! and happy that way.

[kizzy]

Don't get me started on 'Friends'. The best ones will last for ever. The rest are just acquantances and should be treated as such. Having been ripped off, Lied too (you wouldn't believe some of the lies this couple keep sprouting, shame we did!) and my horses and mine and my husband's lives put at risk, my faith in human kind is severly dented.

Like milliesmum said, real friends are the ones that come through for you when you need them and you come through for them without a second thought, be it the middle of night, when you should be at work, when your the other side of the country. These friends you may have little tiff's with, but will always make the effort to sort.

[rebellion]

I totally agree Kizzy and i know exactly what you are talking about !!

[eleybee]

I know how everyone feels last year the tail gate of my lorry fell on my husband he crushed 3 vertebra's and broke 7 ribs we didn't know if he would pull through let alone walk again I didn't know if i was coming or going put i have one true friend i near had to say help my 5 ponies were always done and i will always be gratefully to her and she is still helping me now that my Hubie is back on his feet and at work though he still in pain she is wot i call a true friend there aren't many like her around

thanks shaz

[Buddy]

I had a real true friend who unfortunately is not with us now, she made me laugh when she gave me a fridge magnet that said.

"You'll always be my friend cause you know too much"

[JW]

That's what comes of being on the NPS council

[Jerri]

Smart!

[Country Bumpkin]

Just be careful who you think your friends are they will turn out to be your worst enemies, use you, then drop you.

I am afraid that I don't trust anyone anymore sad really isn't it?

[lancs]

I have one true friend who is always looking out for me and my ponies and always seems to have my best intrests at heart, yet wants and expects nothing in return. She is pleased when we do well and tells us when we are doing things wrong, and shouts at us when we think we arn't good enough. Her name, my SISTER !!!

[flygirl2]

How true this thread is!
The only true friends that i can count on are my husband and my mother!!
That makes me sound very sad but hey they are always honest with me, they are there for me, dont secretly laugh behind my back when it all goes pear shaped and truely support me.
I have friends or rather aquantainces who i may ride with have a drink with but i know where the line ends and dont really trust them completely. The friends who never ask how your child got on but talk continuously about themselves and then look really cheesed off if you have done well, then the ones who slag off your pony because you are doing better than them (even though you are working hard to get it right).
Anyway at the end of the day i know my husband and mum are there no matter what good or bad.
Rant over maybe us saddos should get to gether at a show the billy no mates club!!

[rubbers]

what I really dont get is that most of the people I know share a passion for horses, love competing, enjoy a good banter you would think with all that i common what great friends you could have
But NO They bit*h behind your back, Slag your ponies off, say hello one day at show , only because your the only one from the area they know, cos at the next show closer to home they totally ignore you cos they have all the little groupies around.

Sometimes it feels like im back a Jr school

[spot]

I can always remenber my father telling me he did not have friends but "aquantances" i thought that rather odd but as i got older i understood and am now the same . I have just bought a new young horse and you would not believe the remarks that i have heard from some of these aquantances! but it is just a case of the green eyed monster appearing.

[footiefan]

I have several aquantances within the showing world, my friends tend to be people who dont know a hock from a hoof.

[disney]

Well I'm so glad it's not just me! I think it is especially bad where horses are concerned-I had (what I thought were) good friends-they had ponies that had been to, and been placed at HOYS,we had a cheap (but lovely) pony and with alot of hard work ended up being placed above them all in a Championship class at PUK-the ensuing bit*hiness almost made me give up showing for good.It was quite pathetic and pure bad sportsmanship-in the years before I had congratulated them when they had deservedly beaten us, and helped prepare their ponies for Evening Performances etc...they couldn't even bring themselves to say "well done" on the crowning glory of our pony's ridden career.
In contrast my best friend is one I have had for 27 years-not in the least horsey, my next best I have had for 16 years and used to groom for at shows and cried for when she won her class at HOYS...
My "bestest" friends who I see regularly (both the above live in different areas to me) are my husband and children.

[footiefan]

20+years ago we did our first ever b.s.p.s show and to our surprise won and qualified for the winter champs,we hadnt got a clue what to expect and were really nervous about going to a championship show. I knew a lady who lived in the same village as us and asked her for some advise as she was very involved with b.s.p.s. She very kindly invited me round for coffee and gave me loads of very useful advise, just as i was leaving she said "just one more thing before you leave, this is the most bi...y, and backbiting game that you are getting involved in " from all the advise she gave me that day this has been the bit that has been proven time and time again. What a shame that the minority in the showing world havent got enough in their lives and have to worry about what others are doing and call them for it, personally im too busy to be bothered bitc...g

[busybusy]

I am fortunate as we have wonderful friends who are as involved in ponies as our family. We often share lifts and take each others offspring/ponies if the other is working and can't get time off for that particular show. They have always been encouraging, yet honest with me. Their children are wonderful too - and I am sure that in the years to come I will look back on these years as "the times of our lives". When one of us win we celebrate together....when one of us has a bad day we comiserate together. Without this friend we would still be at the local riding club.

[bellabella]

That sounds fantastic Busybusy. You have obviously found your equal in your friends which is a rare commodity, you are very, very lucky and it sounds as if you count your blessings for the good times you share with true friends.

I have found horsey friends are best kept to associate level.

[lils]

bellabella said:

That sounds fantastic Busybusy. You have obviously found your equal in your friends which is a rare commodity, you are very, very lucky and it sounds as if you count your blessings for the good times you share with true friends.

I have found horsey friends are best kept to associate level.

I wish i realised this some years ago, as only of late have i realised how true this is

[thecremellosociety]

I have lots of aquiantances but very few close freinds, once bitten twice shy........I would rather do my own thing nor rely on any one else other than myself and my other half, After taking over the shows i have found people to be very 2 faced. nice to your face, then slag you off behinds your back, it always gets back to me, and worse of all people who think that they can try and ruin my chosen career by saying i have bad mouthed people that i workwith etc etc to try and put the cat among the pidgeons, the problem with that is, you will find it will not work, i will not bad mouth people behind their backs as generally anything i have to say to anyone i will say to their faces and they know that, im far from shy. I tend to keep myself to myself and do what i need to do, same reason my Karma is at a minus figure, do i look bothered ....... NO, I have what i want and what i need in my life and people who think they can upset my apple cart better try blooming hard and have d**n HARD evidence as i am totally honest, but tell you something sometimes in this life it doesnt pay to be an honest person ..............................................

[shelleyj]

Have a karma hon! Honest is a good thing, honest....